Rosh Hashanah Day 1 - 2023-5784
Loneliness
It never ceases to amaze me, that as I celebrate my 30th high holiday services with you, that there are always new topics to share with you. I have found that there are always Jewish topics that are related to the news and that our sacred literature is so deeply textured, that there is plenty upon which to reflect and on which to comment. Such is the case today. But rather than focus on the news of the world around us, I want to look inward. The high holiday season - even though it is celebrated in great numbers in this sanctuary - is a deeply introspective time. Therefore, over the course of these High Holiday services - today, tomorrow and next week - I will be commenting on several aspects of our emotional and spiritual well being.
These past few years, as we have continued to confront COVID 19 and its variants and effects on our community, our lives have changed. The way we interact with each other - with our friends, with our colleagues at work and even the way we express our Judaism - has been greatly altered. But COVID is only one of many aspects of life today that has been challenging. We read about acts of hatred or hate speech in the news on an almost daily basis; every day we are confronting the effects of climate change and global warming; and we are experiencing a rising tide of antisemitism. All these and other external factors combine with the so-called “normal” things that we face in life - growing older, caring for loved ones, and many other life transitions and challenges. All of these issues affect our emotional well being in many ways. I know that there are times when each of us - including me - has felt anxious, frightened, and tense. And there are also times when we have all felt despair and hopelessness. How can being here over the course of these high holidays help us face these feelings with confidence and strength?
Two articles I read this past year, relate to our emotional and spiritual well being and made an impression on me. While the crises we deal with make us anxious and upset, they also can lead to sadness and loneliness. Facing these issues in the world and in our personal lives can lead to feelings of despair and could even make us feel that we are alone with our angst. Last October, David Brooks published a disturbing essay in the NY Times. He titled his piece, “The Rising Tide of Global Sadness” and in it he detailed how angrier, more resentful and sadder global society has become. Brooks referred to a study that analyzed 23 million headlines published between 2000 and 2019 by 47 news outlets in the US. It didn’t matter whether the media was liberal or conservative, “all headlines grew more negative with a greater proportion of headlines denoting anger, fear, disgust and sadness. The negativity in culture reflects the negativity in real life. The General Society Survey asks people to rate their happiness levels. Between 1990 and 2018 the share of Americans who put themselves in the lowest happiness category increased by more than 50%. And that was before the pandemic.
“The really bad news is abroad. Each year Gallup surveys roughly 150,000 people in over 140 countries about their emotional lives. Experiences of negative emotions — related to stress, sadness, anger, worry and physical pain — hit a record high last year. Gallup asks people in this survey to rate their lives on a scale from zero to 10, with zero meaning you’re living your worst possible life and 10 meaning you’re living your best. Sixteen years ago, only 1.6 percent of people worldwide rated their life as a zero. As of last year, the share of people reporting the worst possible lives has more than quadrupled. The unhappiest people are even unhappier. In 2006, the bottom fifth of the population gave themselves an average score of 2.5. Fifteen years later, that average score in the bottom [fifth] had dropped to 1.2.
“In an interview, Jon Clifton, the C.E.O. of Gallup, told [Brooks] that in 2021, 21 percent of the people in India gave themselves a zero rating. He said negative emotions are rising in India and China, Brazil and Mexico and many other nations. A lot of people are pretty miserable at work. In the most recent survey Gallup found that 20 percent of all people are thriving at work, 62 percent are indifferent on the job and 18 percent are miserable.
“Part of the problem is declining community. The polls imply that almost two billion people are so unhappy where they live, they would not recommend their community to a friend. This is especially true in China and India.
“Part of the problem is hunger. In 2014, 22.6 percent of the world faced moderate or severe food insecurity. By 2020, 30.4 percent of the world did.
“Part of the problem is an increase in physical misery. In 2006, 30 percent of people who rated their lives the worst said they experienced daily pain. Last year, 45 percent of those people said they live with daily pain.”
Brooks concluded his article with this sobering thought. “We live in a world of widening emotional inequality. The top 20 percent of the world is experiencing the highest level of happiness and well-being since Gallup began measuring these things. The bottom 20 percent is experiencing the worst. It’s a fundamentally unjust and unstable situation. The emotional health of the world is shattering.”
Six months later, the Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy, published his own essay in the NY Times. He titled his piece “We Have Become a Lonely Nation. It’s Time to Fix That.” Murthy began his article describing his own sense of loneliness. When he concluded his first term as surgeon general in 2017 he found himself disconnected from his work colleagues and he also found that he had neglected his friendships during his tenure. “After my job ended”, Murthy shared, “I felt ashamed to reach out to friends I had ignored. I found myself increasingly lonely and isolated, and it felt as if I was the only one who felt that way. Loneliness — like depression, with which it can be associated — can chip away at your self-esteem and erode your sense of who you are. That’s what happened to me.
“At any moment, about one out of every two Americans is experiencing measurable levels of loneliness. This includes introverts and extroverts, rich and poor, and younger and older Americans. Sometimes loneliness is set off by the loss of a loved one or a job, a move to a new city, or health or financial difficulties — or a once-in-a-century pandemic.
“Other times, it’s hard to know how it arose but it’s simply there. One thing is clear: Nearly everyone experiences [loneliness] at some point. But its invisibility is part of what makes it so insidious. We need to acknowledge the loneliness and isolation that millions are experiencing and the grave consequences for our mental health, physical health and collective well-being.
“Loneliness is more than just a bad feeling. When people are socially disconnected, their risk of anxiety and depression increases. So does their risk of heart disease (29 percent), dementia (50 percent), and stroke (32 percent). The increased risk of premature death associated with social disconnection is comparable to smoking daily — and may be even greater than the risk associated with obesity.
“Loneliness and isolation hurt whole communities. Social disconnection is associated with reduced productivity in the workplace, worse performance in school, and diminished civic engagement. When we are less invested in one another, we are more susceptible to polarization and less able to pull together to face the challenges that we cannot solve alone — from climate change and gun violence to economic inequality and future pandemics.”
These articles by David Brooks and Dr. Vivek Murthy highlight very disturbing trends in our society and describe the threats that sadness, misery and loneliness pose to our personal well being and the health of our community. The more we feel miserable about our lives, the more we will isolate ourselves from friends, family and community. And the more we isolate ourselves, the more miserable we feel. It is a vicious cycle.
Our Torah portion this morning teaches the very same thing that Brooks and Murthy write about. Loneliness and despair are the worst possible feelings to endure.
As we read through the section from the Torah this morning, we learned about the birth of Isaac. This was the culmination of the promise God made to Abraham and Sarah two chapters before when the angels appeared and informed them of the impending miracle of his conception and birth. The story continues this morning and tomorrow - chapters 21 and 22 of Genesis - to inform us of details in Isaac’s life. The story of the birth of Isaac which we read today on the holiday that celebrates creation and renewal is the main reason why it was chosen. This Torah story is meant to teach us about the possibility of blessings in our life.
But I think the lesson for today is much deeper than that. The rabbis had the entire Torah before them from which they could choose what should be read today. On this holiday in which we begin the process of personal reflection and spiritual evaluation, the rabbis felt we needed a story which could prompt us to think about the fears we confront in our lives. By facing our fears and learning from how our ancestors confronted their challenges, we too can make the necessary spiritual and moral adjustments in our lives.
Let’s focus on the key event that occurred in this morning’s reading. Four of the seven aliyot or sub-sections, the majority of the Torah reading, relay a different story to us than that of Isaac. These four sections remind us of Abraham’s other wife Hagar and Abraham and Hagar’s child Ishmael. A few chapters before this morning’s section we are told that due to Sarah being barren, she gave her maidservant Hagar to Abraham as a wife so that if Hagar became pregnant, the child would belong to Sarah. In our story this morning, after Isaac was born, Sarah became exceedingly protective of Isaac and jealous of anyone taking attention away from him. Sarah demanded that Abraham banish Hagar and Ishmael from their home. So Abraham had a choice to make. Should he protect his new wife Hagar and his son Ishmael from the jealousy of his first wife Sarah? Should he accede to the demands of his wife Sarah and banish his newer wife and 13 year old son from his house? If Abraham decides in favor of Sarah then what should he do with Hagar and Ishmael? He could send them back to Egypt, Hagar’s home country. Surely she could have connected with family and friends. So what did Abraham do? Abraham forced them to wander alone in the desert. He doomed Hagar and Ishmael to solitude and loneliness in the harsh and unforgiving Negev wilderness.
If David Brooks and Dr. Murthy are correct in their analysis of the current human condition, then we are dealing with a grave societal problem. We are sad and alone. This Rosh Hashanah as we welcome in the New Year many of us may be feeling isolated and unloved. Like Hagar and Ishmael we may not know how we can continue. This feeling of being adrift is no way to start the new year. Hagar and Ishmael’s frustration and despair over their lot in life reflect how we may be feeling. We too may be feeling like we are at our wit’s end. We too may not know where to turn.
When all may be lost, when Hagar placed Ishmael under a bush so that she doesn’t have to watch him die, suddenly an angel appeared. The angel responded to their cries of anguish and answered their prayers. A well appeared before them to provide them with a short term solution to their thirst, and the angel blessed them with long term peace and well being.
One lesson that some of us may learn from this story is that God is there for us. In the midst of our despair we can cry out to God and maybe we will be fortunate to feel God respond. Many of the psalms reflect this emotional cry for help. “Out of the depths I call to you” the psalmist proclaims. As we struggle with our emotions we can only pray and hope to feel God respond to us. Out of our sadness and loneliness we may be blessed like Hagar to experience God’s response. Out of our despair we may feel as if an angel has appeared to save us.
Simply put, a strong and unwavering faith in God could be the antidote to the perils of sadness and loneliness. Our prayers today and throughout this High Holiday season can help us address our challenges and guide us to a life of peace, friendship, community and happiness.
However, many of us may never feel as if God will answer our prayers or we may not believe in God. In that case there are other means at our disposal. Dr. Murthy, in his essay, suggested a national effort to respond to the pervasive loneliness in our society. He said, “rebuilding social connection must be a top public health priority for our nation. It will require reorienting ourselves, our communities, and our institutions to prioritize human connection and healthy relationships. The good news is we know how to do this.
“First, we must strengthen social infrastructure — the programs, policies, and structures that aid the development of healthy relationships. That means supporting school-based programs that teach children about building healthy relationships, workplace design that fosters social connection, and community programs that bring people together.
“Second, we have to renegotiate our relationship with technology, creating space in our lives without our devices so we can be more present with one another. That also means choosing not to take part in online dialogues that amplify judgment and hate instead of understanding.
“Finally, we have to take steps in our personal lives to rebuild our connection to one another — and small steps can make a big difference. This is medicine hiding in plain sight: Evidence shows that connection is linked to better heart health, brain health and immunity. It could be spending 15 minutes each day to reach out to people we care about, introducing ourselves to our neighbors, checking on co-workers who may be having a hard time, sitting down with people with different views to get to know and understand them, and seeking opportunities to serve others recognizing that helping people is one of the most powerful antidotes to loneliness.”
It is remarkable that Dr. Murthy’s call to arms in the battle against loneliness is essentially a description of what synagogue communities are supposed to do. Our religious school, our adult education curriculum and our services all contain the value of learning about and maintaining healthy relationships. They are the infrastructure Dr. Murthy describes that lay the groundwork for us to learn the essential elements of what makes us a sacred community. We constantly teach - either overtly or subtly - that we should “ve-ahavta le-ray-echa kamocha - love our fellow human beings as we love ourselves”. That is a core value that supports everything else we do.
Murthy’s call to get off social media or at least curtail our use of it can be done through an observance of shabbat. The day of rest and spirituality can be a day in which we turn off technology and reacquaint ourselves with the essential values of life. Instead of getting caught up in the overwhelming onslaught of technology, we can use shabbat to quiet our lives, to rest our brains, and remind ourselves of the power of real, personal and physical relationships.
And Murthy’s third suggestion, to take steps to rebuild connections, is at the heart of why our synagogue exists. These connections have sustained our lives whether we joined last year or we joined 70 years ago. The friendships we have made here have nourished our souls and have enhanced our lives. I never cease to be amazed at how people in their 90s and people far away gather on our zoom services. They always say how blessed they are to see their Shaare Tefila friends. Even on zoom we feel our loneliness dissipate and our lives fulfilled.
As this new year begins let us turn inward. Let us seriously consider the nature of our relationships. If we feel lonely and sad let us turn to family, friends and community for support and strength. Let us also commit, as a shul community, to reach out to others. Let us help others see the value of relationships and the power of community. As Hagar saw the angel and felt relief from her loneliness and despair so may we feel blessed this coming year. Amen.
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